考验...

眼泪掉了...
突然很想哭...
主,是你给我考验太多...
还是我把事情看得太重...
对...
我发觉到从去年,我心开始有点创伤...
因为...
为了维护一个我敬爱的长辈...
我有时必须说谎...
我知道这是不对...
但是我是为了大局着想...
说了出来...
后果不堪设想...
我希望她会反省...
她知道她的行为是不对的...
但她仍然继续...
我只希望她会改变....
期待着...
时间可以证明一切...
~妳的行为会无意中伤害我...
可能你没发觉到...
因为你还在陶醉着...
别让我失去对你的那份爱...
我会放弃你...~

~我累了...哭了就好了...
别担心我...

Self-discovery church camp touching @fun moment

A Little Sharing

That day just bek from Johor...
Msn with my mmu family,Rabbit,for awile...
They just bek from penang one day earlier than me...
They alrdy start to plan the second trip...to Johor...
Rabbit @ Jessy hometown...
so fast...i really get shocked..haha
cos Rabbit say inform @ booke me first...
cos they say i always look busy...
They are so cute...
but date haven confirm yet...

Yesterday chat with my frien for awhile at msn...
it been a long time we nvr chat with each others...
cos she is busy with her study at UM...taking medic...
around one year we nvr keep in touch..
cos i lost her number...
n she dun hav my new number...
Last time we do alwiz give support to each others...
still remember that is a moment she is so down..
bcos of some incident...
at night,she will gives me a call..
she cry inside d phone...
cos she can't falls asleep in darkness...
she feel scared...
i can't meet her,cos her hometown is not melaka...
n i try to comfort her on tat period of moment...
tat period,i alwiz worried about her...
i try to care her more...
n thx god...
from that moment,we bcome a close friend...
yesterday i feel touching...
when she thx me for always be there for her...
tat momnet when she feels hopeless n fell in darkness
support n accompany her all the way....
she need my support...
i wish to thx god for strengthen her...
This weekend maybe will meet up with her n my best frien at kl...
hopefully eveythings will going great...

我背后的故事...

我有五个兄弟姐妹...
在家我排第二...
最大,最小都是男生...
我妈那一边是天主教,而爸那边是佛教,
但是我爸就好像free thinker...
没有什么注重性仰...
可能需要一些时间...

我以前是来自贫穷的家庭...
我还记得那时我还小...
我爸是一名鱼商...
在巴刹打工...
现在还是一样...
在外面有时有做一些小生意...
所以家里都会有鱼或海鲜吃...
他是一名有责任感的员工...
不曾换过工...
不管生病,小雨...
他还是会骑着摩多车去打工...
还记得小时候,
我妈会带我和我哥一起塔巴士到教堂去...
因为那时候我们没有能力买车...
但那时候我还小...
每次塔巴士的时候都会很开心...
因为好像去旅行那样...
到不同地方去...

我小时候很喜欢和我哥做比较...
在学业...
及课外活动...
因为他在我心目中是很棒的...
我很想感谢他...
因为他,激发了我...

我还记得从小很坏蛋...
偷东西,作弊,打架,参加黑社会,...
样样都有我的份...
因为我小时候喜欢和男生做朋友...
交了一些损友...
但是我的学业还算不错的...
我是培二生...
从最后一班...
爬到第二班...
还记得五年级,
是我第一次得到第一名...
这一切我要感谢郑雅荷老师...
是她...
不曾放弃我...
过后我就从第三班换去第二班...
从小,我国语就很好...
我很喜欢国语...
当时我的国语成绩是全班三名以内...
这我要感谢TAY SWEE YONG 老师...
她教我很多年...从她身上学了很多...
那是进了第二班,
感觉是不好受的...
在班上很多不同性格的人...
考试纸一派来..
就有人来比较成绩...
那时我记得国语得到94 分,班上最高...
我写了一片很好的文章,
我的爸爸...
我写了他如何辛苦打工把我养大...
老师被我这文章打动了...
然后在班上和同学们分享...
另一个得到92分...
她就很不满意地检查我的考卷...
查出我的错误...
因为平常在第二班都是她最高...
培二以前是名校...
因为我是新人...
都会被一些人欺负...

我记得小时候很努力读书...
因为亲戚很喜欢拿我的成绩和他们的孩子做比较...
然后会做出批评...
他们的孩子都很聪明...
当时我很努力地证明给他们看...
虽然我的父母不是专业人士...
我还是能考到很好成绩...

在UPSR,我考到5科A,2科C,
当时我和姑姑还有表妹一起住...
一年...
因为我家人搬去了我们的第一间家...
就是我现在住的家...
去学校交通不便...
因为培二在城市...
我要感谢我的姑姑...
她从以前到现在都很照顾我...
小时候,她就很喜欢带我一起去旅行...
而且她还教我一些数学题....
那时她还特意去买我最喜欢吃的西瓜...
来奖赏我...

我爸那时候就到处去巴刹炫耀...
关于我的成绩...
爸爸应该很高兴吧...
那时候我也很高兴...
因为让我爸感到光荣...
这一切荣耀,我要归给我的主耶稣...
是祂,
陪我一起去考场...
听我的祈祷...
帮助我...
成为我的依靠者...
他是我的一切...
没有他,我什么都不是...

Self-discovery church camp

昨天晚上才到家...
发觉到家里多了一辆车,
原来那就是我们家的新车...
深蓝色的Viva Elite...
现在家里多了一辆车...
当然也方便多了...
但是家里开销也会跟随增加...

这七天六夜的生活营...
真的很棒!!!
它让我感觉到...
我长大了...
我改变了...
学会了信任,
谦虚,
彼此相爱,
及提升了我的自信...
我的疑问...
一一被解答了...
主的安排...
也是主的旨意...

在第二天,
去了柔佛一日游....
去了很多地方,
让我倒立看人生...

在这"自我探索"的营会...
玩了一些游戏...
一个是朦眼...
当时修女要三个人当盲人...
她说谁承认自己是白痴,单纯,笨蛋的请出来...
而我和两男就自愿出来了...
朋友都傻眼了...
我们既然有勇气站出来...
游戏完毕后...
修女给了我们三个人一份礼物..
美丽的蜡烛...
因为我们的谦卑...
身为主的门徒必须如此...

还有两个游戏...
暂时不想分享先..
哈哈...
迟些就会知道...

这个营会...
让我发觉到...
有些人外表看起来很好...
但其实心里是很空虚的...
缺少了关心几爱心...
有三个人和我分享关于他们家的问题...
发觉到富有的家庭...
也有他们的问题...
没有人的生活是完美的....
当我们的心是空虚的时候...
主会来填补它...

A Little Sharing

Yesterday,i can't fall asleep...
after online,acually is quite tired...
but need to go n pack my things...
cos haven packing my stuff yet..
7days camp...
quite long...
lots of clothes to brings..
but acually i really can't wait to discover this camp..

Yesterday sleep at 3 somethings...
2day wake up at 6 somethings..
cos got somethings to do...
just now stop by terence shop...
to pass him shu yin birthday gift...
n "da bao"nasi lemak for my family too...
The gift is share by mmu family...
n the gift is choose by me..
haha..i am sure she will like it...
terence family was so friendly...
they are so happy when i go to their shop...
His big sis wish me happy new year n make a cup of hot milo for me...
n his dad asking me why i did not join them for the trip...
before left,i wish them happy new year..like chinese new year alrdy...haha
n his mum call me to come again...
next time,i really dun dare to go again..haha...

Today,they will depart to penang at 10.30am...
n i will depart to johor at 11.30am...
Wish them have a happy holidays...
n wish some of u happy studying...
n some of u happy holidays too^.~...
gonna go now...depart soon..

January 2010

Another one more day...
is new year..2010...
Hopefully 2010 will be a good year for everyone..
anyway i do not expect much in 2010...
i just pray tat 2010 will be a peaceful year...
there are many things tat waiting for us...
So we need to be caution and be prepare all d time...

Now talk about January...
there are many actuvities going on...
Beside start to prepare for coming JCN drama...

2jan-8jan=going to Johor Bharu!!!"Self-dicovery church camp"(heard tat JB is a dangerous place,so must be careful),anyway i hope tat i can discover myself in tis camp.

6jan=my "mmu family"shu yin 21st birthday!!!(really sorry for can't attend ur birthday n join our first penang trip,anyway hope u all have a great time there.Our next trip will be organised by me k^.~)

14jan=my "mmu family"Terence 23rd birthday!!!^^

16jan=Going to KL!!!(meet my best friend,dear Alice^^It been one year nvr meet each other,since both of us are busy,at last we can meet up).(If time allow,maybe will have a stay at KL or Genting to meet my Genting buddy n KL buddy)

19jan=My best friend,Ye Lin 21st birthday!!!^.~(Guess that time she will be at UPM campus,let see how...)

25jan=form 5 buddy,Jia Ling 21st birthday!!!^^

28jan=mmu buddy,Brian Ong 22nd birthday!!!^^

Next year January is a very special month...cos there are many special@amazing things going on...but i am quite worried for Jcn Drama,cos this is the first time i wrote the drama scipt,need to help in conduct the drama,need to act too...seriously i start feel bit stress now...cos 6 of feb is coming up...we need to training,setting up back drop,think about clothes n others...time management is really important...~I am still new in acting,still need to keep training n improve...hopefully everythings will going smooth...god bless

伴侣

今天"N"突然传讯息给我...
问了我一些事情...
过后问我和terence之间的关系...
因为他听说我们有密切的关系...
~我们只是很好的朋友...
没有特别的关系...

过后他突然问我...
是否能追求我...
~而我回答他说..我不知该说什么,就让时间决定一切...
今天他开始行动了,一天传了很多封讯息...
只是空谈而已...
早知道我应该...哈哈

Terence今天告诉我..
他和J是不可能的...
因为毕竟是三角恋...
他会选择放弃...
但事情不是他想像得那么简单...
因为女方不会那么容易放手...
已经两次他选择停止...
但过后还是失败...

感情的事情很复杂...
伴侣是一辈子的事情...
不想被这些事情困扰...
就让时间决定一切吧...
因为我也没有特意去想这些...
有了伴侣,很多事情必须作出改变...
我还是比较喜欢自由的单身...
能够去爱身边每一个人...

离别@失去

我曾经想过...
如果有一天我身边某个人突然离我而去...
我会如何....
答案是....我会崩溃...

曾经很傻地去想过...
如果我没用心去交朋友的话...
那有多好...
至少我不会受伤...

曾经想过很遥远的事情...
我会选择自己先离去...
或者看着身边的人一个一个离我而去...
答案是...我做不到选择....

曾经想过...
当一段感情或友情认识到一个阶段的时候...
必须停止深入...
因为我害怕...
~越深入的感情...
会越难维持...

熬夜

昨天又熬夜了...
因为还没赶完部落格...
凌晨六点多才睡...
今天一早八点半就起床了...
因为需准备今天的presentation....

今天表现不太好...
头脑突然一片空白...
之前做好的准备突然忘了...
可能是因为紧张及不够睡眠...

今天的presentation真的很有挑战性...
因为评判会不停攻击及访问问题...
而且他们会特意为难你...
进入十强的组果然真的很强....
朋友说我回答得好...
其实我只想维护我们组的产品...
因为这可是我门的心血...

虽然得不到前三名...
但我们已经尽力了...
所谓尽力就是冠军...

我想这几天都会睡眠不足...
因为大考了...
需要啃书了...

~对了,这是我们的组的部落格,现在将会变成我们的回忆...solartechcompany.blogspot.com

压力与鼓励

现在是凌晨四点了,
我还没睡....
在准备来临星期六将用到的部落格..
刚去了朋友家做星期六presentation的准备...
凌晨三点才回到家...

今天发生了一些不愉快的事情...
进了十强是一件值得愉快的事情..
但也有问题的出现...

今天我们谈了关于星期六的穿着方面...
评判是订了必须穿formal...
而我们听了一些朋友说...
穿着很重要...
最好是一致...
因为会影响整体的分数...

而我们谈了是否需要穿西装...
大家都很矛盾...
因为这只是10分钟的presentation...
另五分钟将是问答题..
但这十五分钟却很贵重...
没有的人...
他们却想办法去买或借....
买一件西装的花费将真的不少...
有些组员的确为了这presentation花了不少钱...时间...精神...

看到每个组员的付出...
的确有点压力...
但这压力慢慢地转变成鼓励...
星期六要好好地加油了....
让这一切都是值得地...

SOMETIME...

Sometime i dunno what i am busy for...
sometime i dunno who i am...
sometime i dunno why should i act on...
sometime i dunno why i can't get the simple happiness...
since when i loss it...
sometime i dunno what should i do...
and what should i say...
sometime i dunno wat should i choose...
sometime i dunno...
why life is like that....
sometime i dunno why the world can be that way...
sometime i dunno why human can be so many type...
sometime i dunno why growing up can make the life so complicated...

That is time that i dunno...
i wish...i know...

Busy+worry...

monday nite get a good news,
my group assignment business plan,
our solar mug product get choosen into top 10,
that mean we will have the changes to present it in this comin saturday noon,
of cos hopefully we can make it into top 3...
our group total have 12 ppl,
yesterday,i and my another 2 friend get voting to bcome presenter on tat day...
acually it bring me abit worried...
i hope that i can present well on tat day...

this coming two week is really busy,
now alrdy start to prepare and training for JCN drama,
will be fall on 6 of february.
i will be act on tis drama...
the character is quite challenging for me...
everytime when i act on drama,
of cos i will feel bit stress...

final exam is around the corner too,
will be start on 19th till 23 disember...
i am so scared that i will not enough time to study well...
anyway keep going n god bless...

Promising

This few days really not enough sleeping time...
time is so pack...
everythings is keep rushing...
This week is dateline for all assignment...

Yesterday just think about JCN drama script...
Just complete it this morning...
Get the idea from youtube...
it will be a touching love story...
share with my friend..
they say quite nice...
but it really required a good actor to bring out the feeling...
but should be no worried...
cos the event will fall on next year,around February or Mac i think...
They just start d preparation earlier...

Coming January sem break...
acually plan to go a church camp"self discovery"at Plentong,Johor,
for 6days..start from 2jan till 8jan 2010...
my friend alrdy reserve a place for me....
cos is limited...

but just get know that it crash with my"mmu family"penang trip plan....
which depart at the same date...2jan
this will be our first trip...
around 5 to 6days too...
at the same time celebrate one of our mmu buddy 21st birthday there...
Just now,few of them look abit angry when they get know i having another alternative...
feel sorry for that..
of cos"family trip",all of us should went 2gether...
cos i also just get know about the detail...
just wish to share with u all...
anyway hard to make decision...
cos of the both promising....
haha..anyway..i alrdy have the answer...

GUC CAMP

Tuesday just finish the GUC camp,
this time the number of student that join are less,
but the ending is really wonderful...
is full of tears and touching...
the student is crying on the stage,
and tears is surround in the parent eye....

when i do promotion part with my leader,Galvin,that time....
we do go alot of place to promote our camp,
and this time our advertising even better than last year...
which we successfully advertise our camp in four newspaper,
nanyang,sinchew,chinapress and guangming....
compare to last year,
only in chinapress...
but what was curious is the number of parents that call up is less compare to last year...

that time leader start to worried about the number of participant,
but acually i not really worried...
cos i still believe that eveythings in god plan will be great...
god alrdy plan everythings...
even only one ppl joining...
we still need to keep going...
of cos being a leader is different...

Thursday,
we having meeting at church about the camp,
leader try to speak out his feeling about this camp,
all of us just try to speak out truly,
if we having any missunderstanding with each other...
we try apologies n thx to each other...
at last, all of us just speak out our inner feeling...

What i trying to say is everyone is trying their best in this camp,
some of them burn the midnite oil to do the slide show,timetable,photo,video n gift...
some of them even take two day unpaid leave bcos of this camp...
some purposely take a ride from KL to melaka and go back to kl again bcos of this camp...
some of them even sacrifice their study time,rush their assignment,presentation in d midnight...
but really thx god that..
he change the exam date from 24 to 25...
god do hear our prayer...
n thx god for his blessing...
bcos this time exam is not really hard as we expect...

of cos i would to say sorry if i do make any mistake...
acually i not really done well in this camp...
but of cos for sure i will try to make a change...

~thx to joanne who help me to finish a class exercise when i skip the class...haha..she is kind of funny,sms me what she wrote after she finish it

~thx to jessy who sms me at the moment i finish my camp that night...
calling me better go n sleep first,before doing revision..haha...she noe i will burn midnite oil..

yup,tuesday after the camp,we celebarate one of our committee member 21st birthday!^^We do have a great time.Wishing that her coming journey will be going great..cheers n god bless^.~

水瓶座

Yesterday my friend tag me in facebook,about my zodiac-Aquarius...hmm...i feel some of it quite true..haha..so share with u all..enjoy reading it...if wish to know more about others zodiac,can view my facebook profile..^.~

星座分析~~

水瓶座看到过花瓶的样子吗？口很小，想伸进去很难，但如果你能进入瓶子里，你真的会看到一个广阔无比的空间。瓶子们就是这样的。

当他们觉得你是真的真的爱他们，和你在一起真的真的安全时，他们会开始回馈的。他们回馈的时候你会惊奇到不敢相信，因为他们一旦爱一个人真的是无微不至。不过他们也很容易厌倦的呀，瓶子们有一颗猫一样的心，你要永远对他们有吸引力才好。不然他们很难不偷猩的。

男瓶尤其如此，他们有的时候真的是做了对不起你的事也丝毫没有愧疚。有时候他们会无理的想只要我心里真正爱的是你不会离开你就是真的爱你。他们的自由有时就是放纵的借口。

但瓶子们也有弱点的，当他做伤害你的事的时候，你要懂得让他换位思考，甚至直接用他对你的方式隔天对他试试。他就会渐渐明白对你的伤害是怎样的了。他爱你他就会逐渐的懂得在乎你的感受。

瓶子们轻易不说我爱你这三个字的，这三个字在他眼里太神圣，更重要的原因是他们觉得说了这三个字在爱情中仿佛主动权就失去了。他们太怕失去爱情中的主动权。但你却不能不对他们说，很没有道理，但没办法的。如果一个瓶子对你说了太多的我爱你，反而证明他内心深处对你没感觉只是玩玩而已了。

爱上瓶子是一件很苦的事，所以爱瓶子的人不要问为什么该怎样，你只要在内心深处问问你自己能不能承受就好了。如果你觉得值得就去接着付出，如果你觉得不值得就勇敢的放弃。除非他转身，不然再不要给瓶子们机会。当然如果一个瓶子转身过太多次又伤害过你太多次也就放手的好。不然他会从心里有些瞧不起你的。

瓶子们若爱上对方，真的是占有欲好强的。他们轻易不表现出来，因为他怕他们过强的占有欲会泄露了他爱你不能没有你的底牌。不过如果他们开始限制你吃你的醋，那他一定是好爱好爱你的。

瓶子们有时候真的很难真正相信他们的爱人。而且越是爱有时候越难相信。因为他们的谎言有时说的好多所以总觉得别人也是在欺骗。

千万不要轻易伤害了瓶子们的心，瓶子们对爱情很没有承受力的。你可能想象不到，当你刚刚气痛了你的瓶子或是和你的瓶子谈分手跳脚离开的同时，他们可能就会打电话给他们的红颜知己或是有暖味关系的朋友们，说一些过分的话做一些过分的事甚至当夜就会和他们发生什么……，瓶子们不是想背叛你，瓶子们只是好悲伤，找不到更合适的方式来发泄。好多被伤害过的瓶子都会生活得很烂很灰色，虽然过后可能会后悔厌恶自己到想死但他们就是习惯用这种颓迷的生活来掩饰自己深深的失落深深的痛。

当然，当你后悔之后回来找他的时候，他还会接受你，他不会告诉你曾经发生过什么而且会极力的去掩饰，如果他爱你。但通常好多事实已经无法改变了。当你背叛了瓶子，瓶子们会痛到心裂成碎片，没有泪，即便有，也是流在了心里流到了别人永远看不到的背后。

因为我说过的，虽然瓶子们忠诚度不敢苛同，但他们真的是在内心深处最最在乎的就是那两个字：忠诚。在你背叛了瓶子后有两种结果。一是瓶子们无声的接受，重新选择和你在一起，因为他们爱你，无法承受分手。但他们的信念死了，他们可能会不再相信你的话，他们会背着你有了另一个人，甚至另N个人，哪怕他们并不爱那些人，也可能会做一些不该做的事来谋求一些心理的平衡，然后再背叛你的同时找回那可怜的平衡同时痛不欲声。

另一种是，他们对爱的忠贞要求的太过唯美无法接受，瓶子们会用你认为最冷血的方式选择分手，可能是微笑的告诉你他们也从来未曾爱过你，你尽可以去和千百个人去睡；可能是毫不在乎的转身离去；可能是在分手后在你面前和无数个异性打情骂俏；可能是在最快的时间里接受另一个人重新开始并甜蜜的出现在每个人的面前……无论以上哪种，他们的心其实是在滴血的。前提是他们真的爱你。

他们会在这些表象的背后独自买醉，在最短的时间里抽最多的烟，出卖自己的身体甚至灵魂。用最残忍的方式暗自伤害自己麻醉自己，也会去折磨这时爱他的下一个男孩和女孩。一个失去了信念的瓶子们的痛是无法想象的，他们只能真正用自己的方式慢慢的寻求某种出路。

瓶子们喜欢一见钟情，但是他们更喜欢日久生情；瓶子们接受一夜性，但他们更渴望一生情；他们的弹性好大，善良几乎可以善良到佛的境界，卑劣也可以卑劣到遭万人唾弃。瓶子们多数都很茫然。他们是真的不了解自己，不知道自己真正想什么要什么，虽然他们也许可以轻易看出别人的人性动机需求。

瓶子们喜欢暗自观察身边的人，窥探到别人的内心深处，凭自己的直觉和洞察力去了解别人，他们的直觉往往也真的好强好强。

瓶子们最惨的就是碰到一个真的比自己还好自由还喜欢漂泊还花心的人，因为他们的好自由有的时候真的就是一种伪装，一种保护，一种检验你是否爱他的手段。一个真正只想爱你一个人只想忠贞于你一个人的瓶子就不会再要求什么自由了，他们想要的就是占有和共处。

做瓶子们父母也往往好辛苦，瓶子们是孝顺的，我确定。但那种孝不是顺从。他们有太多自己的想法自己的原则，所以当这些和父母的想法发生冲突的时候他们会据理力争。哪怕没有冲突，仅仅是父母的唠叨他们也只是暗自记在心里嘴上说着罗嗦罗嗦。他们太过叛逆太过自我，但真的，他们深爱自己的父母，深深的知道没有任何一种感情可以超越这种血肉之情，所以他们无法容忍你批评他们的父母或和他们的父母争执，不管他们是如何争执，这种资格只有瓶子们自己有。

I am short of time...

Short sem....
busy...
very busy...
Time...
there is not enough time...
i am short of time...
3 assignment...
Tutorial...
GUC camp...
Japanese culture night drama Script..
meeting...
teaching....
midterm test...(thx god,acually fall at 24 nov,now alrdy change to 25nov,no crashing with GUC camp)

~I am tired...really tired...~@.@

Happy moment...new born baby...

Saturday night,
went to tesco with some of the form 5 buddy...
this is the first time we buy baby stuff..
everyone was keep looking at us...
because we look so young..
dun look like parents..
but we do have fun...
since this is d first time..
the feeling was so special...
because yesterday,Sunday,
was one of our form 5 buddy,Lau,his first child full moon...
he is the earliest among us,who get married and having a child..
we are happy for him..



Last night,
we drank lots at his house...
his dad was keep pushing the guys to drink...
So d girls just helping d guys to drink as we can..
cos the guys needs to drive...
can't drink lots...
n they can't drink much..
easy drank..
at last,everyone is start to drank...
all in red..
haha
anyway is a great moment...
we do enjoy it..
everyone safety reach home...

挣扎

最近都有一些烦恼,
有一些是关于灵命...
其实我这两个月都在挣扎过程...
最后还是被发觉了...
其实很矛盾...
其实我早有答案....
也有做过决定...

我不可能属于两个身份...
我只能选一个...
两个身份会让我有点困乱...
我无法集中...
所以那天的我才会那么不认真...
但这决定真的很难...
左手右手你叫我如何选...
我很挣扎...
给我多点时间...

以前...曾经...现在...

以前的我们什么都没有...
却过得很幸福...

当曾经拥有一切的时候...
却失去了单纯的幸福...

现在的我们...
却在寻找失去过的幸福...